Talk to Psychiatry on Psychiatric Issues

i have been with avoidance personality disorder for almost 10 years almost . but it got severe for the last 5 years and i silently watching myself killing from inside. my routine life has been destroyed . now i am in my higher studies . i had started the mental treatment 7 months back . and discontinued in ramadan . after ramadan i felt good a week but not for longer . as the time passed my phobia of being judged caustically has grown back . my memory is badly impaired i have to think a thousand times to what to say to next person . some times it goes so bad i want to a gun and blow my brains out . frustrated sufferer to death .